It seems like the past few weeks have been insane! It's obvious that I have been more pressed for time than usual because I haven't posted anything on this blog in two weeks! I usually have so many thoughts running through my mind that I can't help but type them out for my own sanity, but recently my mind has been going insane in so many other directions. I've spent my free time putting together a prayer calendar for myself, reading ahead in Olivia's readers so I can stay at least one step ahead of her, re-planning Angela's reading curriculum since she's flying through what I planned much quicker than expected, and starting on Christmas planning and creating. I've squeezed in a family blog and some emails here and there, and have prayed a lot - a whole lot - for several different dear friends who are struggling greatly and for our family as we deal with some growing pains with Olivia.
All of this boils down to the fact that the mind that usually spends the day meditating on what I read in my quiet time has instead been totally consumed with all of these other things. Are they bad things? No! The Lord has called me to homeschool, and He has given me the ability to put my time, energy, and mental faculties into the planning for it. The Christmas gifts are the result of a conviction last year to spend less money and insert more thought into our gift-giving, reflecting more on what Christmas really means - the gift of life itself. So, that seems to be a good thing. As for the blogs and emails - they are a gift that can be abused but are also greatly used to keep in touch with our loved ones scattered around the world. Finally the prayer - yes, I think that's a good thing, don't you?
But, there's a catch to all of this. My learning and growing tend to come from the re-expression of what God has been teaching me. The reason I can typically keep up with this blog regularly is because the thoughts I type out on here are thoughts that I'm going to type out anyway! That's the way I learn! The Lord reveals something to me and I have to share it! I can't help it! If I share it in some way - even by just typing it out on the blog - I learn it better. I remember it and go back to it. It's the way God made me. So, seeing the drought in recording such thoughts, it's not wonder that I came into this morning feeling as if I'd gone for ages without really being deeply nourished. I've poured myself out in thought and prayer, but I haven't taken in what the Lord has been trying to put in front of me for the past couple of weeks. It's not easy to continue pouring out if nothing is being poured in.
So, this morning I was tired. I was sluggish. I didn't feel well physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. I skipped a shower for just 20 more minutes of dozing. Finally, I dragged myself to the living room, plopped down on the couch and pulled out my journal. I began sharing with the Lord. Amazingly enough, I wasn't complaining. Often that's what I do - you can see it in my journal. I complain. I gripe. I moan and groan about how yuk it all is. But somehow this morning I didn't even feel that. I just wanted to share. I just wanted to be able to tell someone I felt bad without them thinking I was throwing a pity party. Who better than the One who created me and knows my every thought even better than I do?
"Lord, I'm so tired." I am the only true strength you have. (Ps 59:16-17)
"Lord, I have no motivation." I am the reason you do all you do. (1 Cor 10:31)
"Lord, I'm uncertain." I am your assurance. (Ps 16:3)
"Lord, I am restless." I am your peace. (Ps 94:19)
May I share what the most awesome thing about this was? God had already given me all of these promises. I don't mean that He'd given me His Word and I had the promises if I was willing to dig them out. Nope! He had led me over the past year to record these verses either on note cards in my journal or in my prayer calendar! They were already there - looked up, written down, ready to go! With each statement, He had a promise and a consolation, and He was able to direct my mind straight to verses He'd already revealed to me in moments when they simply stood out for whatever reason. Today they more than stood out. They worked upon my heart, soul, mind, and body. Oh, my body is still tired, although the beautiful fall feeling in the air has helped with that. But, it's amazing how the body is strengthened, even if just a bit, when the mind, soul, and spirit are refilled with the precious Word of God!
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