Being Tired

I've felt so tired lately. No energy, a bit of agitation, and a desire to stay curled up in that warm bed beside my sweet hubby. That's been my desire. Crawling out of bed over the past few mornings has resulted in a bit of a blah-ness. Not quite a depression, but something that, if left unheeded, could turn into depression. This morning, though, in those quiet moments before the kids woke up, I read something that sent a bit of a jolt through me. This is an excerpt from Discovering the Character of God, a compilation of some of the sermons, poems, and fictional writings of George MacDonald.

Here is what I read...
When most oppressed, when most weary of "life," as our unbelief would phrase it, let us remember that it is, in truth, the inroad and presence of death we are weary of. When most inclined to sleep, let us rouse ourselves to live.

Of all things, let us avoid the false refuge of a weary collapse, a hopeless yielding to things as they are. It is the life in us that is discontented. We need more of what is discontented, not more of the cause of its discontent. Discontentment, I repeat, is the life in us that has not enough of itself, is not enough to itself, so calls for more. He has the victory who, in the midst of pain and weakness, cries out, not for death, not for the repose of forgetfulness, but for strength to fight, for more power, more consciousness of being, more God in him.

As I read, reread, and reread again, I began to see just how this fit for me, not just in my general life, but today! I want more sleep, staying safely hidden under the warm covers where I don't have to deal with anything. I want to wallow in "blah-ness," maybe adding a pint of Yarnell's Woo Pig Chewy (yes, Yarnell's actually does have a line of ice cream especially for Razorback fans!) or a cheesecake brownie or a shopping spree to make my wallowing a little more pleasurable. But, once I lift my head from the wallowing, the blahs will have probably turned into depression thanks to the extra pounds or increased debt.

What I need instead of more sleep is a reason to be awake - a passion for the life I've been given. That passion can only be found in living for Christ Himself! What I need instead of comfort foods or shopping sprees is a consumption of the Word and an investment in the things of God - things that have already been bought with the blood of Christ and carry for me only a debt of unfathomable love. As MacDonald so eloquently expresses, I simply need more life - a rousing to truly live!

Already as I have attempted to redirect those downward and tiring thoughts, I am sensing a new energy. It might not be any easier physically to wake up and crawl out of that warm bed in the morning, but my prayer is that spiritually and emotionally I have a passion for the incredible life that the Lord has given me - a life lived in His presence where to be asleep is to rest in His arms and to be awake is to consciously and deeply know His presence.