Not Just What’s Left

Sometimes I go back and read what I’ve written in the past. I need the reminder of what God has laid on my heart. Sometimes I can smile, knowing that I have learned and grown because of what God has taught me. Other times I am ashamed because I just let the lesson roll right on without making any true change. Still other times, I just need a reminder.

This is a post I wrote last fall, the day after Angela’s 8th birthday in fact, for a pastor’s wife blog I contribute to. It was a great reminder for right now, not just for busy weeks but for busy everyday life!

This past weekend was a busy one. In fact, the whole week leading up to it was busy! In our family, we don’t typically do “big” birthday parties, but years ago I started trying to do much of what we give and do for our children myself. I make and decorate the cakes according to their requests. We’ve had Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too, a heffalump, Cinderella, Thomas, bunnies, puppies, Hello Kitty, horses, and a myriad of other requests over the years. I’m still not great at it, but the kids love the cakes every year. That’s good enough for me. Meanwhile, my wonderful children also love homemade gifts. In fact, my middle child told me last week that it doesn’t matter what the gift is, if I make it she knows she’ll love it. Yes, I’m enjoying that while I have it!

Well, yesterday was that middle child’s eighth birthday. And I had a good bit of work to do to get ready for it. I had to finish making the 1850’s style dress-up dress and hoop skirt I had planned for her “big” gift. Plus, my oldest was making a sock doll and, taking after her mother, had procrastinated. So, I had to help her finish the sock doll and her dress. Although the party itself was just my parents and “baby” sister, it was still something a little new for me. Instead of a cake, prissy Angie wanted a tea party complete with cake balls (which I had never made before), dipped pretzel sticks, and fruit. And, she had to have her annual birthday quiche, a tradition five years in the making. Naturally, she doesn’t like store-bought crust, and I’ve only found one pie crust recipe I can handle – one that makes up a huge batch of anywhere from 24-40 crusts, depending on the size you need. So, I had to make up that recipe and get the extra balls of crust ready to freeze for future use. I love letting my efforts be a big portion of their gift each year, and I love that they appreciate it! But, I still was going to have to manage my time very well to work it all in.

In the middle of it all, I still had to deal with the homeschooling, the housework, and the church responsibilities.

In all honesty, a week like that energizes me. I get motivated. I get productive. It is easier for me to manage my time when my list is long than when it is short or even normal. Maybe it’s because I have to manage it well in order to get it all done. But, there’s also a major problem with weeks like this. I get fixated. I do what has to be done and move on to the next task on the list. I start working first thing in the morning and keep going until bedtime. I make every minute count.

And I neglect people.

I especially neglect my husband, probably because he’s the most understanding. I come to the end of the day and realize I have nothing left for him. Just a tired wife to fall into bed and snuggle with, but very little else. Here I am excited about all I have accomplished, but I neglect to be there for him. I don’t mean that I stop listening to him talk about his day. I don’t mean I neglect to stop and give him a warm hug, kiss, and welcome when he comes in the door. I don’t mean that I neglect making sure meals are prepared or his basic needs are being met. But, it all is reduced to a minimum as my own tasks take over.

This past week, my precious Savior brought all of this to my mind on day one. As I sat down Sunday afternoon and analyzed my week, I knew I had to make extra effort to preserve energy for my husband. He didn’t need to only have what little was left of me at the end of the day. He needed intentional protection of my energy. I chose to obey. I chose to pace myself. I chose to make myself quit early in the evenings. I made myself balance out the tasks through the course of the week so that the more tiring chores were spread out instead of clumped up. For the first time in our married life, I took a personally busy week and did not think only of getting my tasks accomplished.

Amazingly enough, obedience worked! Everything got done, I wasn’t frazzled, and Doug and I even had a little extra time together. And, wouldn’t you know, Doug even helped with the cake balls! That was his offer for our Friday night celebration of date night. Why? Because he didn’t feel as if that was his only chance to steal me away from my list.

Our families need us. Our spouses need us. But, they don’t just need what’s left of us after everyone else gets a piece. They need us. They need an intentional choice to make them a priority. What they get still might be at the end of the day because of schedule demands. But, let’s not let it be just what’s left. Let’s let it be what we passionately choose to give.