Alone

Have you learned the pure joy of alone?

I don't mean lonely. In fact, the “alone” idea in my head has nothing to do with a lack of people. It has nothing to do with feeling disconnected from others. It is in no way related to loneliness. It's a very different kind of alone. It should even have it's own word, I think, to make it stand apart from the concept of loneliness that invades our minds when we think of being alone.

I chuckle a bit when I think of it. I'm a homeschooling mom. I rarely am alone in this phase of life. When the occasion permits me to be without my children, I usually take advantage of that time by being with my husband. Lack of companionship rarely occurs.

But loneliness does occur. Yes, I'm coming back to loneliness. There are times when I do not feel understood. Times when I cannot express the thoughts and feelings coursing through the depths of my soul. Times when I know that no human being on earth can truly help me sort through what needs to be sorted.

Please do not take that as a slight against my marriage. My husband is amazing in the way he can draw me out and help me identify what's going on in my head. But sometimes it's even beyond the capability of the man who faithfully walks with me through everything. And I mean everything.

Do not take this as a slight against my friendships, either. I have amazing friends. But even if the one who is so much like me that she seems to grasp my thoughts were living next door to me, there would be times I would feel the loneliness of not being understood. Even with her.

The loneliness occurs because I neglect to turn to the only one who truly does understand those intense depths. In fact, He created them within me. Why? To teach me the art of being alone.

Well, not really alone. I come back to the realization that the word “alone” doesn't truly fit. Nor does solitude or any of the other synonyms that might come to mind. Actually, now that I think about it, it shouldn't be a single word at all. It should be a phrase. My Creator is trying to teach me the necessity of needing Him alone. Yes, that's it. Needing Him alone.

You see, I can be in the midst of my family, my church family, a delightful group of girlfriends, fellow ministers' wives, my amazing homeschooling friends and co-workers, or anyone else. And I was created to need these incredible brothers and sisters in Christ. I long for their fellowship because God designed me that way. I hunger to encourage and be encouraged because Christ commanded I do so. But ultimately they cannot fill that deepest need.

Ultimately, I must learn that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is really the only one I need. If I do not learn to need Him alone, then every other relationship will continue to be insufficient. Whether I'm surrounded by my absolute favorite people or sitting in one of those rare moments of true aloneness, He is who I need. Sometimes He reveals Himself through my loved ones. Other times, He shows me how I am relying on them instead of relying on Him. Either way, He reminds me that I need Him alone.

I have a long way to go to learn the art of alone. But I'm getting there. Today, between homeschooling and work meetings, I will rarely have times of solitude. But even today I can learn more about needing Him alone. May we all grow in that wisdom through the course of this week.