Discipline, Grief, Love

We had a discipline issue this week. A task reminded multiple times over the past year. The realization that something more than just reminding would be necessary for the lesson to be learned. Specific punishment promised. Warning not heeded. Deep frustration and even anger over being blatantly ignored yet again. Discipline administered.

And a broken heart.

I’m not talking about my child’s broken heart. Oh, there were many tears and much angst over the whole ordeal, to be sure. But, in this particular instance I am talking about my own broken heart. More than the frustration. More than the anger. Just pure heartache.

So often I read through the Old Testament and wonder how in the world the Israelites could possibly sin over and over and over again in such grievous ways. But, then I came face to face with it in my own child. God had made the consequences of sin very plain, as He made the rewards of obedience. In the same way, I made the consequences of disobedience and obedience plain. But, my precious, beloved child chose disobedience.

Even worse, I saw my own heart. I saw the numerous times I have repeated the same old sin over and over. I remembered my heart as a child, and I saw a clear glimpse of my heart as an adult as well. I do it too.

But this time I also saw it all from God’s perspective. The discipline that broke my heart was miniscule. True, I had to deprive my precious child of something special. But, it was really a little thing in the long run. It won’t produce long-term grief. It just made a point in the moment. But doing it made me want to cry.

I can only imagine how God must have felt when He allowed nations to conquer His people. I can only imagine how He must have felt when He sent them into exile. Such sorrow. Such heartbreak. More than I could ever begin to fathom. And I can only imagine the heartbreak He feels each time we blatantly disregard the commands that He gives. The very commands that give us life!

I pulled my “little” one close and we talked about the Israelites. We even talked about how following a set of rules isn’t what faith in Christ is all about. I shared that the more we draw close to God in a relationship, the more we hunger to be pleasing to Him. The more it breaks our hearts when we break His. We talked about showing Him our love by our obedience. Not to check boxes off a good behavior checklist, but to truly show Him our love.

And to be reminded of His love.

As we snuggled on the couch, my child knew my love. Another of my children comes to me for a hug immediately after any discipline is administered, wanting to be reminded of my love. God disciplines us out of His love. And, He wants us to be reminded of His love.

He wants us to know His love so much that He is willing to experience heartache and grief to remind us.

The whole discipline incident this week made me hunger more and more to please Him. It made me hunger to break His heart less and less. But, it also reminded me of His intense love for me – a love so intense that He’s willing to experience grief over it. In fact, He loved me so much He experienced the ultimate grief; the grief of Jesus Christ dying, forsaken, on the Cross.

Oh, what love!

God’s Sunday Reminders

As the thunder rolls with great power this morning, I think only these words truly describe what is running through my mind…

Oh Lord my God

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made

I see the stars

I hear the rolling thunder

Thy power throughout the universe displayed

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art!

How great Thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art!

How great Thou art!

Standards

Last weekend I was working on a printing project. Part of it involved trimming some unwanted white edging from around the edges of pictures. So, I sat comfortably on the couch with the pictures in my lap, trimming away the excess.

I worked on the project off and on for a couple of days, including Sunday afternoon. I had changed out of my church dress into a cool white skirt. So, there I sat on the couch holding the pictures in my white lap, trimming off the white when the inevitable happened. I looked beside me at my stack of supposedly trimmed pictures only to notice that several of them still had white edges! I picked one of them up to trim it, but suddenly couldn’t see the white anymore. It disappeared against the white of my skirt, immediately clarifying how I’d missed the offensive edge in the first place. I changed tactics and held the pictures against the background of untrimmed pages and easily discarded the unwanted white.

It’s amazing what a change of perspective does. I thought my pictures were good, but when I held them against the colored background of the couch instead of my skirt, I immediately saw they were nowhere near good. They were still flawed. They still needed work.

The same is true of lives. It is so easy to hold ourselves up to the wrong standards. I do it frequently. I compare my spiritual growth to that of others. I compare my parenting, my actions as a wife in general and a pastor’s wife specifically, my housekeeping, my cooking, my schedule, my homeschooling, my writing, and so on and so forth.

It’s such a simple idea, really, that is brought again and again to my attention: it’s all about perspective. In fact, I now have a blog category devoted entirely to the idea of perspective. And yet, I so easily forget.

Who are you comparing yourself to today? Once you have that answer, ask yourself this one: Who should you be comparing yourself to today?

Holding my pictures up against the white background of my skirt hid an unacceptable flaw and made the pictures seem perfect. But, they weren’t. Holding our own actions up to the standards of one another can leave us feeling completely inadequate or beautifully successful. And both can be total lies.

When we hold ourselves up to the brilliant perfection of God, we will always fail to measure up. Always. But, when we are reminded that we are already made perfect in Christ, suddenly our whole perspective changes. We are once again reminded of the awesome price paid for our perfection, and we hunger to live out the righteousness that God already sees in us. Suddenly, our decisions are not made based on how someone else would do it. Suddenly, our adjustments of behavior aren’t brought on by guilt trips or the craving to keep up with the Joneses. Instead, every action taken is done in the delight of living Christ’s righteousness.

May we hold ourselves up against the standard of Christ and nothing else.

Fulfilled Desires

Last month Doug and I finally saw something we'd been waiting and praying to see for two and a half years: the sale of our Mississippi house. It wasn't the way we wanted it to sell, but it is sold. And it is a relief. The process, though, was anything but delightful.

You see, Doug and I never missed a payment. Sometimes it came through renters. Other times through God's miraculous manipulation of our finances. Still other times through the generous help of people who loved us. But, every payment was always made. On time, nonetheless.

As we faced month after month of the house being on the market with no nibbles or interest, we were told that we should call the bank and talk to them before missing a payment to see what kind of help they could give us. What kind of options we might have were we to get to the point where we couldn't make a payment.

Unfortunately, no such help existed.

The banks, it seems, bend over backwards to help people who have missed payment after payment, but those of us who call for help after having a perfect history are told that our only option is to keep paying or face dire consequences. Or, as in our situation, for the bank to just take over the whole process without our knowledge or permission; an action which ended up with them forcing us into delinquency even though we never actually missed a payment, even to the very end.

It seemed as if we were being punished for doing the right thing.

In the middle of all of this mess, I read Psalm 37. Early in this lengthy but wonderful psalm we find a very well-known verse.

Delight yourselves in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Ps 37:4

So, what was the deal with us? We were delighting ourselves in the Lord! Why was He not meeting the desire our our heart to sell the house well?

As I dug more deeply into the psalm, I noticed something. Psalm 37 is not necessarily offering a general comfort in hard times that delighting in the Lord will give us the desires of our hearts. Instead, it is a encouragement related to the command to be set apart. The evil do it this way...but You trust in the Lord. The way of the evil man will fail, so if we follow the world's method of obtaining our desires, we too will fail. Only trust and delight in the Lord succeeds. And it succeeds God's way, not ours.

This is not a "God's going to overflow you with your desires if you just trust Him" pat on the back. This is practically a command: You are set apart. Do it God's way. Yes, it's going to look bad, but you are not to do things the world's way. Commit yourself to Him. Delight yourself in Him. Trust in Him. He'll take care of it. Even when it seems impossible, He will do it. Just don't follow the ways of evil men, no matter what the circumstances look like. And then when it's all said and done, realize that God's will was accomplished and it is absolutely delightful!

Through the whole house situation, I felt one desire most strongly – that God be glorified. Yes, I wanted the house sold very badly, but I wanted to see it done in such a way as to show those involved how God works. When everything happened the way it did, I was discouraged because I couldn't see how God was glorified. Even now I wonder how He was honored through it all. But, as I process it all in light of Psalm 37, I realize that God's glory doesn't always come the way we think it's going to come. And our desires aren't always fulfilled the way we think they're going to be. But, if we delight ourselves in Him, allow ourselves to be set apart, and follow the command to do it His way, He WILL be glorified, whether we can see it or not. Of that there is no doubt. And when He is glorified, our desires are fulfilled – we just have to learn to open our eyes to see and accept the fulfillment His way.

Timetables

My kids and I have a very different perspective when it comes to the word “almost,” especially when it comes to things like independent work, chores, getting out of the shower, or getting ready for the day in the morning or for bed at night. My idea of “almost” is literally a couple of minutes. Their idea, on the other hand, is anything from five minutes to two hours, depending on the task. Such a perspective issue has been the source of conflict between us many times over the years, and I'm sure it will continue to be.

It's no less of a source of conflict between God and His children. It does not take a deep scan through Scripture to reveal just how frequently God's acts seem to come along much more slowly than His people would prefer. More modern testimonies reveal the same truth.

God's “almost” and “soon” are just are not the same as ours. In fact, like my children, God's idea of “almost” and “soon” tends to stretch out a lot longer than we're comfortable with.

Unlike my children, however, God's timing is perfect. He is never slow. He is never late. He just has a different perspective.

As a parent, I am training my children to speed up a bit in certain areas so as to be on my timetable. It's not selfishness, I promise! It's just what we need for our family and household to run smoothly. In the same way, God is working to put us on His timetable. But, instead of speeding us up, He typically slows us down. He knows that's what we need for our lives to run smoothly and in a way that glorifies Himself.

What timetable are you working on? Yours or your Father's? Try taking a deep breath and discovering just what His timetable looks like. It's perfect, and it will never let you down.

Plenty of Room

Olivia was the first one to finish her supper and get her dishes to the kitchen.

“Mommy, my plate will fit in the dishwasher, but the top rack is completely full. My cup won't fit,” Olivia informed me.

Without even pulling out the top rack, I could easily see differently. “There's plenty of room. I can get everyone's cups in easily.”

Olivia looked at me incredulously. While she watched, I rearranged a few cups and bowls on the top rack, not only easily finding a spot for her cup, but also opening up room for Steven and Angela's cups as well as my own.

“Cool!” she exclaimed. It was the feat of the day, and I had impressed my learning nine-year-old. I informed her that it was just a mama's touch and sent her to begin her evening routine.

My children are all still at that age of believing Daddy and Mommy to be awesome. We can still amaze them with our knowledge and abilities. And, even though it isn't always easy to trust us to have a solution they can't see, they still do trust us.

Once again, parenting serves as a gentle reminder to me of God's perspective. I only have two to three decades of age and experience to hold over my kids. God has not only eternity but omniscience and omnipotence as well. Why do I continue to limit Him to my vision of the possible?

Things that seems absolutely impossible to me are as simple to Him as a quick reshuffling of cups in the dishwasher. Suddenly filling the dishwasher is now less of a chore and more of a reminder of yet another of God's promises: He always knows more than I can see. And, if He says He can do it, then there is no doubt that I can trust Him to be true to His word.